Just Emptying My Thoughts..

guess there’s this something called karma.. erm i call it getting wat u deserved. so i went in and sat next to kaylynn during the enrolment but i wanted to sit at my so-called ‘original’ place at the side of the bench. kaylynn asked me not to leave her alone and there was only four of us at that bench at that particular moment (siewfoong, eepeng, kaylynn n i). however i insisted on moving..

glenna was sitting behind me the day before. so yea i got to sit there alright. but then when the ‘colour-ful’ ppl came in, they sat at the other far end of the bench and yea.. glenna moved thr fast enough and she was at the other end of the bench (where i was originally sitting with kaylynn).. thus i am left alone.. haha i find it kinda funny how it acts on me.. but i accepted my fate

btw somehow after learning in chap 6 of mod maths, i learnt a new word. Depreciate. iz opposite as u would have guessed is Appreciate. According to pn ang Depreciate is used for prices which drop with respect to time. and yeah to me i found it very applicable with my relationship with my friends. i find my ‘value’ depreciating with time. its as if the longer i am with them, the more useless and invisible i feel. haha talking bout value dropping. it’s cause they have been so used with you being there that they take u for granted. lol u may say i’m thinking too much. but yea if i have really disappeared, c how many people wud exactly ask where is lydia?!

the incident in one utama is gud enuf and serves it purpose well as the Best Example for this scenario. how can a group of about 10 friends of yours forget u n another friend.. come on we are all from ipoh and we sat in the same bus for like half a day and after a mere 2 hours of shopping, we are forgotten? oh puhleez dis is like watching a soap opera. i sometimes wonder whether yip n i are that forgettable.. we are also your friends u noe.. and u don’t only remember me when u want a good laugh.. i am not a tool dat satisfy evry1 whenever u all wana laugh u noe. 

i am also a human, a friend and someone who has feelings. even though u all may still laugh when u have forgotten about both of us completely.. i’m speechless.. it may not have shown in me at dat time.. but yea at dat very moment i was disappointed. now come to think of it, i’m not dat disappointed actually. it’s as if i wud have guessed it all along. i may laugh with all of u.. well-known for crapping a lot in our ‘clique’.. but yea juz as many said laughter is most forgettable.. i guess i’m a forgettable character also.. haha

and i’m kinda disappointed with someone actually. i’ve been trying hard to fix a long forgotten relationship but yea i dun think she appreciates. and for those guessing it’s yip, iz not her jek. in fact my friendship with her had gone far better.. closer and better than before lar.. anyway back to the topic. i spent my time and energy to care about her but i duno whether she realised it. iz been so long since we’d been so close actually. and i actually opened my heart to her only to be rejected. anyway i’ve stopped trying. i think evry1 noes dat the foundation of many close friendships is nothing but Trust. well since we are obviously lacking in that, i have Officially Given Up. yea so iz back to normal for me.. hehe

i guess she’s all busy and have many other more worthy friends around her but yea coming to this stage i know we have no chance to proceed already and Time is certainly Running Out.. her lack of trust in me is as clear as anything.. but yea i wish her happiness lar with all the people around her.. she’s so lucky actually to have so many ppl around her hu cares so much about her. so with this fact i have to bring myself to accept, i happily withdraw myself from this tiring game of trying to satisfy others.. at the very least i find comfort in the thought that i tried hard. reallly hard.. only to have my offer of friendship rejected in a Cold manner…

i’m tired of trying already.. really tired..

so yea came back from the enrolment and currently listening to Volume 2.. haha

chatted with junni for a while. so i see u-noe-hu replying to my blog. lol thanx. anyway the enrolment was like normal lar. just like every year. it’s just that this year for the first time and the last time i sat below as a YL away from my friends. blocked from busy-bodying by lotz of people. but yea this year, i am actually not sleepy during the sermon. perhaps it’s due to the pastor’s voice gua. i somehow find him a little too energetic for me. i can see him trying hard to get young people to get into ministry..

and i’m kinda wondering myself whether when i’m away from home, away from my parents : will i go to church? since even with them around, no one’s forcing me to go. perhaps i’ll have a new-found discipline by that time? only time can tell.

oh yea saw the korean boys and girls my brother mentioned to me. the girls kinda lenglui. and i heard real ppl speaking real korean with my own ears!! lol it’s kinda amazing.

btw about my uniform. my tie’s kinda long. my belt’s kinda loose. my cap’s TOO Small.. lol iz originally eexin’s. it’s a long story.. but yea when we marched out iz sooooooo Un-ladylike. stupid jek.. we shud have slow march-ed. anyway i’m amazed at the discipline the NCOs of BB showed. they have so much discipline and they honour their flag a lot.. Very Unlike Us. u seriously can’t sense any commitment in GB..

oh yea i saw her First the moment i stepped into the church compound. erm well i guess she didn’t see me. but haha when she saw me, she kinda tried to move behind the pillar. i guess she’s kinda scared of me. but yea in reply to eexin’s question (why am i so happy wit dat?).. its because if she’s scared of me, it means she noticed me!!!!!! haha with dat i am happy enuf!! 

erm about row-call. it was normal lar. but it was real funny when misschong asked me y my cap seemed extra high. i had a choking laugh before i answered her. i told her cuz my cap is extra small.. lol.

dismissal. dat s-t-u-p-i-d junior. rude n stupid n ignorant. use ur stupid ears lar. i shouted LIMA not ENAM and then she said she’s TUJUH. which makes me wonder is she brainless or wat?! duno wats her ears are for. she sumore dare to scold me. she made the whole row did the wrong numbering.. it’s my first time in the whole year choosing the second TANDA in my support for dawnong.. i swear to myself i’ll never do that anymore no matter hu’s the tanda. i’ll stick to the first tanda.. certainly dun wana meet those stupid ppl in the second line again..

and some juniors dun even noe the basics.. feel like smacking their head. she’s standing beside someone whose hand is up.. she dun even realise she has to lift up her hands for luruskan barisan when she’s at the FRONT row. seriously very disappointed with GB this yr. i seriously have no FIRE for GB this yr. it’s sad when this happens in your last year.. it’s my last year as a GB member. it’s my 7th year.. feeling kinda sad.

but anyway back to the topic of enrolment. it’s certainly my first year being so disciplined at gb enrolment and i’m proud of it.. i hardly chatted.. well it’s supposed to be that way.. aren’t we part of a uniformed body which is disciplined?? now dat’s food for thought..

a lot of things happened actually hehe..

btw i found out the reason i could not blog so often! it’s because i spent more time reading ppl’s blogs dat i don’t update my own..

let’s see i didn’t think it wud continue and had actually made the decision to forget wateva happened. but somehow i duno how, i got Block 6 for my recess duty. and glances led on to stares which led on to observing.. and this complicated matter continues..

so we had to do lots of waja exercise i suppose.. and dgn siaonya we gt all 27 sets of mod maths waja papers on friday. i’m speechless.

and we have mountains of homework to climb. homeworks just kept pouring in like nobody’s business. and i got picked to pass up add maths for inspection. at first it was mod maths and somehow due to the technical error that chin made (she totally forgot bout add maths!), i got this subject. still gt chapter review 4 to finish at dat time..

i rmb we had a hectic week especially bm.. julia non-stop man.. the notes hard to do cuz a lot. haha.. but pnhelena n mrcheang were absent. both in penang take teacher’s test.. but we utilised those time to do unfinished homework..

mayjet n jess were so busy with the gb concert. poor them. really a lot of planning to do. headache actually. but this week really got to talk to eexin i guess. made me realise some things actually (save it for the next post!). 

nowadays i felt kinda sick of rushing those homeworks too. i duno whether anyone noticed but i kept on going out early for recess. it’s unusual for me actually. i just WANTED TO GET OUT OF CLASS!! and as if due to stress, i’d been eating a lot during recess. and that monday’s recess after chem, jess thought i was in bad mood. in fact no.. it was just very sudden that i feel overwhelmed by all my homeworks.. hehe

7 april was mayjet’s 17th bday too.. gave her a note and the ‘bubba’ i bought bout two months ago.. i tot of mayjet at the instant i saw it and i bought it on impulse. it made a good gift i guess.. i didn’t regret doing the shopping early.. haha =) the flexible lil ‘bubba’..

i stop here first lar..

reminder to self for nxt post : gb concert, thanking jess, eexin (talk), friday friends, last minute? c4r? yip (visiting), chess club..